| An article worth reading... |
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9.5.05 - 1.27am
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Taken from a friend's Xanga page. It might be a long read but it's well worth it. Quite a touching article.
In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you
shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's
the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost
your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're
with... and the one that got away.
Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with who
everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just
wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the
chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.
I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime
partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can
actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has
to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to
settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little
niceties of giddy romance.
How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When
you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who
you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big;
inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready
and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good;
it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the
flashpoint of that fact.
Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll
be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most
perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have
burned in your life, but it'll work because you're ready. It'll work
because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make
sense, it really will. So that day comes when you're finally making
sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things
are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who
you are and what you want, and you've become ready because the time has
truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will
come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term
relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter.
All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that
got away, is the first person you think about. You'll think about them
because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder,
"What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?"
That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll
have in your life.
If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one
that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think
your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully
you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're
with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will
just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think
about him/her every so often, but it's alright. It's never nice to live
with a "might have been," but it happens.
Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which
case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your
memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your
lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.
But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do
if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very
existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder,
what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a
movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere.
You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well
for the person who is your "the one that got away." You might drop in
from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is
finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm
thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to
someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away.
by Mark J. Macapagal -The Manila Times
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8.30.05 - 11.52pm
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For those wondering where I was this past while (which won't be many), I was busy with my overseas relatives and my sister's wedding. I had 7 relatives fly in from Hong Kong and they all ended up staying at my place. Before they came, I kept on wondering how it would be possible to fit 7 extra people in the house because that would bring the total to 12 heads under the same roof. Now that they're gone, the place feels so damn empty.
Of all the relatives that came over, I miss Renny and Kellian the most. They came to Montreal 16 years ago when I was 5 years old. I never got to know them very well back then. When they came this time, they stayed for 10 days. In these short 10 days, I not only caught up with them but got to know them better and grew much, much closer to them. In fact, we became so close that when it was time for them to leave, my aunt and my parents had to physically pry Renny, Kellian and I apart because we were hugging each other and refused to let go. Never in my life have I cried so much.
But back to the wedding...
God really was blessing us all. That Saturday was absolutely beautiful with temperatures in the 30s (Celsius, of course) and a nice breeze. It was held at the church that I attend, Montreal Chinese Alliance Church (MCAC). Pastor Chan said that for every wedding, something always went wrong so that we shouldn't expect a picture perfect wedding. Guess what? It was picture perfect. In my eyes, nothing went wrong.
The banquet was perfect as well. The food was amazing and was prepared exactly the way Fanny and David wanted it. Delays between the dishes were minimal and everybody was happy. The moment the DJ announced that the dance floor was open, it was packed. And yes, I was there as well!
All in all, it was a very satisfying experience. But it's going to take a good while to adjust not having Fanny in the house. Surprisingly enough, I think it's going to take a bigger effort adjusting to not having my cousins here.
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| I... |
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8.19.05 - 3.48pm
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I miss you...
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| Somehow, I knew this would happen... |
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8.16.05 - 1.41am
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Given my luck (or lack thereof) with relationships over the past years, I'm not surprised it turned out this way. Do I hate you? Not even close. But chances are, things are weirded out between us now so I'll understand if you ever decide to ... keep your distance.
Right now, I'm just ... Actually, I'm not even sure of what I'm feeling. I know I'm confused but I also know that the gamut of emotions runs much deeper, that it doesn't just stop there.
I doubt I'm going to be getting any sleep tonight. That being the case, I'll be going for another walk. Chances are that I won't be back until late afternoon tomorrow.
And off I go...
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| Did I... |
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8.15.05 - 2.03am
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Did I make the right choice by fessing up and did I do the right thing...?
All I know is that I don't want to lose you or the friendship.
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8.14.05 - 1.11am
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Lifehouse - Come Back Down |
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*Sigh* Had a really bad day today. I was getting crap from customers left and right when I didn't even do anything wrong. They order something and I make it per their instructions but they still have something to gripe about.
On top of that, my boss is so absent-minded that he didn't put anybody to work with me. Worst part is that he's in UAE (United Arab-Emirates) right now so I have no way of contacting him. Means that I worked 7-5 all on my own but didn't end up leaving until about 6:30 because of all the extra work I had to do.
As if that's not enough, I got crap from my dad when I got home. He keeps complaining that the house is a mess but he won't even lift a pinky to help out. Not only that, HE's the one that makes most of the mess. He's always laying on more and more tasks on me and expects them all done at the same time. And then he goes on saying how I don't give a damn about my future. ...Well HELLO! If you would just give me some breathing room and some TIME, then maybe I could think.
And these past five weeks haven't been the best either...
For the past five weeks, I've lost more people than I can count on my fingers. Most were friends but a small handful were family members. In case you're misinterpreting, when I say "lost", I mean as in they're not of this world anymore. I've been crying myself to sleep every night, to the point where tears no longer flow.
I don't know how much more of this I can take before I completely snap. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope here, barely hanging on by a few threads. Worst part about all this is that I've started taking walks in the middle of the night... again. These walks usually last a few hours, sometimes even throughout the entire night. Over the past few years, these walks have let me cover at least half of Montreal.
Over these past five weeks, I've ignored a few people because of my predicament. And I mean really ignore. I haven't talked to them or anything. Daeya made me realize that I wasn't helping anyone with my behaviour. Though I've already apologized, I still feel really bad about shutting them out.
All I ask for is for a prayer or two, that I keep my sanity.
One last thing, though I'm pretty sure it's damn obvious by now...
Kiy-chan, you make me happy like no other. =)
As weird as this may sound, I cherish you above many others.
Aaaaaand I'm gone for a few hours of sleep before I tackle another day of work.
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| Wedding song of the year? Coooool... |
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8.12.05 - 12.41am
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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Lifehouse - You And Me |
] |
Daedicated to...
That's for me to know and for you to guess. =P
Bring on the flaming and the hating! haha
Lifehouse - You And Me
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of
You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
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| Rest In Peace, Kenzo... |
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7.31.05 - 11.00pm
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Kenzo, a valued member of Daeya.org, inadvertently passed away recently. His sister took the time to alert the rest of the community there. As I write this, Daeya logged off, unable to ... cope with the shock. It's been hours since I learned of the news but here I am, tears still streaming down my face.
Kenzo was a good man and it saddens me to no end to know that he passed away, especially in such a manner. A gun accidentally went off and shot him in the side of the neck while he was doing his best to stop a fight from beginning.
Regardless of whether you knew him or not, I ask that you please say a short prayer for Kenzo's family. That is all I ask.
God bless you all.
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7.22.05 - 11.05pm
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Casshern's end monologue
At last I understand. We hurt others by our very existence. That's just the way we live. We need to learn to forgive.
We need to realize that existence is meant to be shared. We're not just here to exist; but to find the strength to co-exist.
It may start from something small, it may even seem impossible but we must start somewhere.
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7.8.05 - 12.01am
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Daeya: You are one man for the whole boards and for your whole family and for all your friends. There is only so much you can do.
Lord, help me and teach me to give up my life so that I can be all that I am meant to be. Mold me into the person You want me to become. I lay my life down at Your feet to use as You see fit.
The Warrior Is A Child
Lately I've been winning battles left and right,
But even winners can get wounded in the fight.
People say that I'm amazing, Strong beyond my years.
But they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all the tears.
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and cry for just a while,
'Cause deep inside this armor, the warrior is a child.
Unafraid because His armor is the best.
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest.
People say that I'm amazing, never face retreat.
But they don't see the enemies that lay me at His feet.
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down.
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around.
I drop my sword and look up for a smile.
'Cause deep inside this armor, deep inside this armor, deep inside this armor...
The warrior is a child.
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| Green house? Nooo... Green ROOM! |
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7.5.05 - 12.54am
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| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
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music |
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Lifehouse - You And Me |
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My room is officially GREEN! MWAHAHAHA Well, a light green to be exact. =P I spent the afternoon painting on the first coat and it's looking fantastic! I would've painted the second coat but after cooking supper and doing the dishes, I was wiped out. Not to mention that I had to do the laundry and scrub the tub. Oh well...
I was thinking of doing some patterns and whatnot but that would've taken more time than I had so I made it simple. The ceiling is white and the walls are green. I left a strip of about 2 inches at the top of the walls and painted that white as well.
But right now, I'm just really glad that Kiy-chan is back home safe and sound. Missed talking to her. (^.^0)
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| Mosquito bites, much? |
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7.1.05 - 2.13am
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mood |
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 discontent |
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I painted the ceiling earlier tonight and well, I had to wash out the brush and the roller. So I went outside, turned on the water pressure and got to work with the hose. I was outside for no more than 10 minutes. Ten short minutes. In that time, I managed to acquire 17 mosquito bites. And those are the ones that I counted. I'm sure I've missed a few smaller ones somewhere. >_<
Lesson of the day: Wear mosquito repellent at all times. *scratch scratch*
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| Newbie training |
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6.27.05 - 1.55am
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I was training a new guy at Saint-Cinnamon these past two days. Actually, let me start from the beginning...
On Saturday, I slept at 2am and woke up at 5am so I could cook breakfast for the whole family. Took a shower at 6 and left for work so I could get there for 6:45. Got there at 6:40 and did all the prep work so I could bake and whatever. Co-worker comes in at 8:30 as planned although she's uber tired. So far, so good?
At noon, my co-worker (Vi) felt even more tired, to the point where she was almost falling asleep on the counter. =\ I offered to take the rest of her shift, seeing how she's stressing over way too many things. Now keep in mind that I'm only supposed to work from 7-1 and Vi is supposed to work from 8:30-5. Anyway, I end up taking her shift and she leaves at around 1:30-ish.
New guy comes in at 2 and... chaos ensues. >_<
Okay, new guy, I can understand. First job, I can understand that also. ...But can he be any slower? Oh wait, I shouldn't have said that. He just might get slower. *bangs head on table* To give you an idea of how bad he was, here are a few examples:
-Took him 15 mins to wipe 9 relatively clean tables.
-Making chicken salad doesn't take more than 5 mins. Took him 30 mins.
-Preparing the ham and the cheese takes no more than 5-10 mins. Took him over an hour.
Now see... I'm usually a very patient guy but I think he managed to bring me to my limit in less than 3 hours. He's extremely cocky and thinks he knows everything, despite this being his first job. Not only that, he was amazingly rude and disrespectful to a lot of customers.
Now multiply that by 2. I had to train him both Saturday and today (Sunday). *bangs head on table again* Because of him, I had to leave the shop at 9 as opposed to 5. Why? Because I had to clean up his mess and had to redo all of the prep work (making the salads and all that other stuff) because what he did wouldn't even pass inspection. And why didn't he do that? His father's a friend of my boss and well... guess who came to pick up his little boy? -___-;;
I mean, because of all that, my 10 hour shift turned into a 14 hour shift! I was so tired on Saturday night that I didn't even have the energy to eat supper. I got home, dropped on the sofa and passed out right away. >_>
GAAH! I'm never volunteering for training newbies again... EVER!
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| New job? Where? |
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6.25.05 - 1.23am
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I've been looking for a new job for a while now but I haven't been having much luck. Saint-Cinnamon isn't bad but I've been there for two years and I'm STILL at minimum pay. Then again, I'm not surprised. Anita hasn't given Vi a raise and she's been there for four years so who am I to complain? Heck, I'm not picky... I'd even settle for working two jobs! Wait, I've even done three jobs while attending school full time. Oh well, that's another story for another time...
On a lighter note, Sephina of Daeya.org is out of the hospital and on the road to recovery. I'm still not sure of the details when it comes to WHY she landed in the hospital. I'm just happy and thanking God that she made and is safe. :)
On another note, I'm VERY tempted to pre-order the Ultimate Advent Children DVD set. Why? Not only is it Advent Children (FINALLY!), but it comes with a whole bunch of merchandise! From what I can remember, there's going to be a keychain, a t-shirt, a cap, Last Order FF7 (OVA), Cloud and Fenrir (his motorcycle) and ummm... I think there's 1 or 2 more items but I can't remember. But... It's going to cost me about $350 CAD!! And to think that my last paycheck was $354. >__<
And as DPA mentioned, I seem to have someone on my mind day in, day out. I have no idea what to make of it, nor do I want to jump to conclusions so I'll just wait it out.
I now need to get my ass to bed. It's currently 1:35am (1:40am by the time I'm done everything) and I need to wake up at 6am, so I can get to work at 7am. Joy!</sarcam>
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| Success! |
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6.16.05 - 11.59pm
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Scheme of... Okay, "scheme" has such a bad ring to it. Starting over. =P
Plan of outdoing last year's $80 bouquet for Mom's birthday was a total success. Mom's first reaction (as predicted by the ever lovely Erica) "What're you, insane!?" Then came the lonely tear making its way down her cheek. Following that, she took the bouquet, ran to my dad and said (while laughing) "Even my wedding bouquet wasn't this big!"
Think she liked the flowers? =D
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| Please shoot me for even thinking about this |
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6.12.05 - 10.18pm
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I should've bought one of those fancy gizmos that chips off the paint super fast. I spent half the day just scraping off the paint off of ONE stupid wall! Turns out the previous owner had painted over FOUR freakin' coats! Four annoyingly stubborn coats! (--.--0)
More of the same awaits me tomorrow... Anybody care to join me?
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| First time around |
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6.9.05 - 1.13am
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| [ |
mood |
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 apathetic |
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Meep? First time here so it's going to take me a good while to get the hang of everything...
Not much going on right now. Just cleaning out the room so that I can scrape the old paint off. Need to repaint the room since the old coat is peeling off at random spots. Not only that, relatives are flying in from Hong Kong for the wedding and they're staying with us.
On a side note, I might finally be leaving Saint-Cinnamon. The only thing I'm waiting on is for Brandon to finish up his restaurant. Might take a while since a few things are still pending. Oh well, at least I'll be away from Saint-Cinnamon and won't have to deal with the grumpy customers.
Anyways... going back to the forums to check up on things. Toodles!
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jerzideva's journal
